


You're Not Alone

by Alfer



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Dark Eve Polastri, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, KE Week 2020, Minor Injuries, and a villanelle who mostly got her shit together on the murder front
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26325283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alfer/pseuds/Alfer
Summary: Eve kills another man. It brings up memories and buried feelings. Villanelle helps her make some sense of it.Day 7 - Hurt/Sick/Comfort.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2020





	You're Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Some talk about murder here, guys, as well as minor injuries.

It was rare for Eve to have nightmares, after Rome. Or rather, she always made sure she was too drunk to remember them. The few times she had failed to do so, her morning had been haunted by glimpses of blonde hair and red. So much red.

After the dance hall, after the bridge, things had been different. There was no time to dwell on the past. She and Villanelle had too much to do, between actually getting to know the little things about each other, and avoiding a cabal of international assassins bent on taking their lives. Plus, sleeping with Villanelle wrapped around her body like a koala did seem to keep the dreams away about as well as the wine had done.

Somehow, Eve knew it was just a question of time.

She killed again. A young man this time, clearly inexperienced, but Villanelle was distracted with another assassin, and the boy almost had the drop on her. If it wasn’t for Eve and the small knife Villanelle had given her.

Eve saw the lights go into his eyes, going deeper and deeper inside. It was only once Villanelle reached for her, grasping Eve’s shoulder, that Eve looked away from him. 

Villanelle was bruised, a few shallow cuts on her cheeks and a deeper one on her arm, but whole. The other man lay dead behind her.

“Eve,” Villanelle looked to be at a loss for words, for once.

Shaking herself, Eve once again swallowed everything down. Not the time or place to deal with it.

“We have to go.”

Villanelle nodded, and they were off.

  
  


They had a decent first aid kit in all of their safe houses, exactly for situations like this one. Eve was no nurse, but she could stitch a straight line, and keep her touch soft enough to not hurt Villanelle further. The other woman smiled at her, once Eve was done.

“Thank you. Never had someone apologize while doing my stitches before.”

Eve smiled faintly, for what felt like the first time in hours.

“Yeah well, I’ve seen you hurt enough for a lifetime. I’d rather you stay whole for now, if it’s all the same to you.”

Eve busied herself with cleaning up their supplies, but a calloused hand on her arm stopped her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

_ No. Yes. Does it feel like this to you too? Like you’re on top of the world and drowning all at the same time? _

Squeezing Villanelle’s hand, taking it away from her arm, Eve answered.

“No… no. Not yet. Let’s just go to bed. We need to rest.”

Villanelle only nodded, something in her eyes reflecting the darkness Eve felt growing inside herself.

  
  


She should have talked about it. If only to keep from sleeping.

There was red. A world of red, falling like a fountain from the boy’s neck. Then, it wasn’t him, it was Niko, stabbed through the throat. Eve looked down and saw her own hands drove the three-pronged fork forward.

A blink, and it was Raymond’s head split open like a melon, Villanelle’s proud grin cutting through the fog and making everything feel so much worse.

And finally, it was Villanelle,  _ her  _ Villanelle, looking so betrayed as Eve plunged a knife in her belly, calling her name over and over.

Eve woke with a start, gasping for air. Villanelle had a hand on her shoulder again, had been shaking her and calling for a while.

“Hey, you’re here, you’re here. It’s all gone now Eve, they’re gone.”

Had Eve been talking in her sleep, or did Villanelle just know?

Sitting up, distantly registering the cold and the blankets thrown on the floor, Eve hid her face in her hands, taking a shaky breath. She was trembling all over, like during the first nights out of the hospital, before she had decided to take the risk and wash her medication down with cheap wine every night.

Villanelle’s hand settled on Eve’s back, slipping under her shirt and rubbing patterns on the skin there. The warmth radiating from her helped Eve calm down almost as much as the repeated movements did.

Eve mumbled from under her fingers.

“I saw him die. Saw the light in his eyes go down and him just… disappear.”

Villanelle hummed beside her.

“People think the light goes out of them, when they are dying.”

Eve shook her head.

“They’re wrong”

“I know. It used to be my favorite part, watching them sink deeper and deeper inside, like they’ll be trapped there forever.” 

Eve had the feeling Villanelle both missed and despised feeling like that. Or maybe she was just projecting extra hard now. She took her hands away from her face.

“It felt good, Villanelle. I felt so powerful. Like with Raymond, and with Dasha,” Eve tried hard to keep her voice steady, but it broke, a hiccup ending the sentence too short.

Villanelle shuffled closer, the heat of her skin calming Eve further.  _ I’m not alone. She’s the only other person on the planet who understands. _

“In the moment. Felt good in the moment. I want to hurt them. I’m glad I killed them. But I feel like shit now.”

Villanelle’s response came after a short silence, like she had taken a moment to carefully pick her words.

“I didn’t understand it, before. I used to just feel that power, that thrill at killing someone, and it stayed for a time. Then the boredom came back, and I waited for the next kill,” she swallowed, “now… I think I feel like you’re feeling. The power is there, the sheer happiness at getting to do what you’re good at. But then, I start thinking about why I killed them.”

Eve turned a little, enough to press her forehead to Villanelle’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and let Villanelle’s voice wash over her.

“Killing them for the Twelve wasn’t enough. I felt used. And I began thinking about  _ why _ the people I killed had to die. Just doing my job wasn’t enough, I had to have a reason.”

Villanelle kissed the crown of her head, pulled Eve closer.

“I  _ want _ to have a reason. Those two? They would have killed us. So it’s fair if we kill them first. It’s alright, getting that thrill, taking that power, if we’re killing for ourselves, right?”

Eve let out a little laugh, pulling back enough to look Villanelle in the eye.

“Killing for ourselves. I think we’re the only people in the world for whom that makes sense.”

Villanelle nodded.

“Just us. Our monsters match. We have the same instincts.” Villanelle looked away, deep in though for a moment, “I think if I had been raised like you, I might have controlled my monster better.”

Eve shook her head, a fond smile taking over. It was only then she noticed the trembling had gone away.

“ _ I  _ didn’t control it better, V. I just… buried it deep down, and hoped it would go away.”

“Does it feel better, acknowledging it?”

“Yes,” Eve surprised herself by how true that was. It did feel better, even with the guilt. Like that part of her had been kept starved for so long, but now it got to feast.

“And do  _ you _ feel better?” Villanelle sounded both curious and worried, tilting her head as she asked.

“Yeah, yeah I do. You’re surprisingly good at comforting others.”

Villanelle playfully scoffed, pulling Eve down as she laid back on the bed.

“I am very good at everything I do, Eve. You should know,” she wriggled her eyebrows at Eve as she said it, and Eve considered how such a dangerous woman could also be a giant dork.

Eve snorted, getting comfortable against Villanelle’s side as the blonde threw the blankets back on top of them.

Villanelle’s hand had not left Eve’s back while they talked. She lightly ran her blunt nails up and down Eve’s side. Combined with her steady heartbeat under Eve’s cheek, it settled Eve back to a sleepy state.

Just as she was falling asleep, Eve felt Villanelle kiss her forehead, whispering.

“You’re not alone. Our monsters fit together, and we do too. I’m here, and you’ll never have to face it alone again.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at showing Eve dealing with the whole becoming a murderer thing. I think Villanelle might begin taking a more utilitarian look in regards to their kills, because it's pretty clear they both really enjoy doing it, but don't want to be used as weapons anymore.
> 
> It also didn't come out quite how I imagined it, but oh well. I had a lot of fun with it and all the other KE Week Prompts, so I'm pretty happy right now.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
